Empty house. I’ve been home since 1:30 all by myself. Shelly is in Fresno. Parents are in Mexico. The darkness made me lonely tonight.

I oftentimes think it insulting when men are portrayed as weaklings who cannot control their own lust for a woman. That awful movie, 40 Days and 40 Nights, comes immediately to mind. But today I was reading a passage in a novel describing such a weak man and it really struck me.

“Vision,” Rodin says, “be mine; for just one instant crown with pleasure a life spent in the hard service of a jealous divinity, assuage with one lubricious embrace the eternity of flame to which your sight now plunges me. I beseech you, brush my face with your lips, you Antinea, you Mary Magdalene, you whom I have desired in the presence of saints dazed in ecstasy, whom I have coveted during my hypocritical worship of virginity. O Lady, fair art thou as the sun, white as the moon; lo I deny both God and the saints, and the Roman pontiff himself–no, more, I deny Loyola and the criminal vow that binds me to my Society. A kiss, one kiss, then let me die!”

It made me wish I could feel that way. I’ve never felt anything like that, but then, maybe only someone who has lived life celibate really can. “In a single moment he went mad and died in mortal sin.”

It’s a pretty good book: Foucault’s Pendulum by Umberto Eco. Reading it per Andy’s recommendation.

Yesterday I found myself wearing a shirt that I had changed the oil in once or twice. There were oil stains on it in numerous places. Paired with my ragged jeans and shaggy hair I bet it made for quite a sight.

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Blue Light, originally uploaded by Malavagma.

This photo makes me look angry, but I actually think I handled the whole ordeal rather well.

Saturday night the plan was to go up to San Francisco to the de Young Museum which was to be open all night long for the grand re-opening. Jessica and I were probably two exits away from the one we needed to pick up Tiphereth and her friend, but my gas pedal stopped responding. I didn’t know what happened, when I pushed in the clutch and pulled it back out it only slowed the car down, so I kept coasting until we came to a stop in the middle of the right lane. After sitting there for a bit with the hazards on I decide I should push it over to the left in the neutral space where there was no lane right before a wall. That was scary. Cars were coming fast, but luckily it was 12:30 in the morning so there were less cars than normally. After trying to figure out what was wrong (oil? coolant?) I gave up and just sat. We called a bunch of people on the phone, and Stacy (we
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Transportation + Communication, originally uploaded by Malavagma.

I came to a stop at a freeway offramp today and an old guy in the car next to me had his windows down and was blasting opera! It was the most awesome thing. I turned down my music so that I could hear what he was listening to. He didn’t really have any expression, probably because he was sitting in traffic like the rest of us, but anyone who plays their music that loudly must love it. I love knowing people are enjoying music.

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IMG_2590, originally uploaded by mrwilloby.

I said I’d get around to writing about some things. Here is one. I got a chance to see Mike Doughty twice a couple weekends ago at The Independent. Next time I should bring a pen. I wish I had written down the setlist and other little things to remember. Of course I’m always looking for recordings of shows I go to as well. Hopefully it shows up on the Live Music Archive.

Anyway, I went to the first night with Billie. That was a blast. It was really fun hanging out with her. The first time we have hung out since pre-school probably. I was only slightly disappointed that he hardly played any of my favorite songs.

The next night was a shorter set because there was another show scheduled at the same venue afterwards. I got to hear some of the favorites too. I think that having a day off in San Francisco rather than riding on the bus all day gave night two a little more energy. I went to this show with Andy and few of his friends. They were pretty fun people to hang around with.

I took a bunch of photos both nights. Eddie had one, Andy had a bunch from that night, Courtney took a couple at the show, and Lindsay didn’t have a camera with her I don’t think.

Listening to music on my computer on shuffle as always and today a live version of “Hey Joni” by Sonic Youth came on. I originally got the file from their site in the archive section. It was a b-side on the “Candle” single.

What’s notable is that at the beginning of the track while Lee is talking someone is playing the beginning of Neil Young’s “Hey Hey, My My (Into the Black)” in the background. Having been listening to a lot of Neil Young lately, I thought it was fun to recognize it and also that Sonic Youth was playing it. Though they did tour with Neil Young back in 1990 (kind of the to the dismay of both of their fan bases).

Here is the track as I uploaded it to rapidshare. It’s also still available on the Sonic Youth site linked to above.

I realize I keep telling myself that I have things to write, but I never sit down and do it. Maybe if I make a public promise it will happen. Some of this stuff just takes a little more thinking. I have an analysis/comparison in mind between two TV shows that I want to write about, I have some fun stuff to say about Flickr things, and I’ve been adventuring lately so I have stories to share. I’ll get to them all.

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there we go, originally uploaded by mrwilloby.

This crazy girl left her phone in my car on Saturday night. And since she is sans car I graciously offered to drive back up to San Francisco and drop it off. I don’t mind, I like seeing her. So here goes my Monday afternoon/evening.

Kia was in a dream of mine last night. I haven’t seen her in years. She actually appears in my dreams fairly often though. Last night’s was a very odd one. There was a strange transistion between two totally different (scenes?). I was teaching a calculus class at first, then I was taking a test in that very class and waiting for a pencil or something. Things changed then and I was waiting for something else. I saw Kia, she looked different, grown up maybe. She looked great though. I was delighted to see her. Then things turned fucked up. I was trying to get out of a place, I think I was trying to take her with me. There were people doing drugs everywhere in broken down cars and a woman was trying to sell babies. All these people needed lots of help and I think I felt like I wanted to help them, but then I woke myself up because it wasn’t pleasant.